On This Blessed Valentines Day
For those readers who are like me (Valentine-less) I thought something amusing would be in order for an otherwise depressing day. So I'm going to tell you a tale of Valentine's Day far in the past to show the evils of this day and why everyone should celebrate St. Patrick's day instead.
Once upon a time there lived a dorky little seventh grade girl, Nellie. This girl was very happy in her dorky state every day of the year, except the dreaded Valentine's Day. She had wild and funky friends, a good family, and darling pussy cat, the one thing she lacked was a boy. Although she told herself over and over again that she really didn't care and boys were gross, deep down inside she wished more than anything that she could have a dorky little Jr. High romance. She had great dreams that she and her man would walk down the hall together and he would carry her books and then maybe they could go to a basketball game together and sneak a little hand hold (shocking). Finally Valentine's Day arrived. Little Nellie came to school that fateful day floating on a cloud. With all her heart she hoped that this would be the day that all her wildest dreams would come true. Homeroom came and went and Little Nellie's anticipation grew. You see the seniors had a fund raiser and they sold carnations and chocolate hearts and first hour was to be the time of delivery. All through the first ten minutes Little Nellie waited with baited breath. Then finally there was knock on the door and the seniors started pouring in carrying loads of flowers and chocolate. One by one the gifts were handed out until all had received at least one of the bounty, all that is except one. Little Nellie sat staring quietly at her hands willing herself not to cry. The seniors were leaving with all their treasures gone to their owners, when suddenly a hand thrust something onto Little Nellie's desk! Cupid's messenger was a rough male who growled "Here!", but to Little Nellie he was an angel of mercy! Little Nellie could not have been more blissfully happy! She had received a chocolate heart! But from whom? In her excitement Little Nellie had forgotten to read the accompanying card. To: Nellie, From: Anonymous. "Anonymous? Who one earth could that be??" Little Nellie thought to herself. Eventually Little Nellie gave up trying to figure out who "Anonymous" had been and was just happy that for the first time in her life she actually had a Valentine, sort of. The rest of the day Little Nellie was walking air! Little Nellie continued in her happy state until that fateful 8th hour Home Ec class. After telling her tale of joy to her dear friend Olivia, her world was crushed. Nellie had been expecting a response of glee, but the one she received reeling. Olivia explained to her dear friend that her brother had been at a certain boy in her class house and that boy had told Olivia's brother of a dastardly Valentine's Day plot that he had cooked up. He was going to send the dorkiest girl in his class an anoymous Valentine's Day gift for laughs and giggles as he watched her eyes light up and a smile spread across her face, because he would know that she would think that she was loved and he knew she wasn't. At that moment, Little Nellie wanted nothing more than to crawl in a little hole and stay there for the rest of her life. "How could someone be so cruel?" she asked herself over and over again. From that day forth Little Nellie promised herself that she would never again celebrate Valentine's Day. She lost her faith in mankind that day and it will take serious work before Little Nellie will trust a man again.
The moral of the story is Valentine's Day is depressing, celebrate St. Patrick's Day instead! Seriously, the worst thing that could happen to you is that you'll forget to wear green and get pinched! You'll never get your heart broken and smashed to bits on Patty's Day! Come on leprechaun are much more fun than cupids! Do cupids have pots of gold? NO! You get shot with arrows and that's painful!
Disclaimer: Any similarities to real people or past events is purely coincidental.
Once upon a time there lived a dorky little seventh grade girl, Nellie. This girl was very happy in her dorky state every day of the year, except the dreaded Valentine's Day. She had wild and funky friends, a good family, and darling pussy cat, the one thing she lacked was a boy. Although she told herself over and over again that she really didn't care and boys were gross, deep down inside she wished more than anything that she could have a dorky little Jr. High romance. She had great dreams that she and her man would walk down the hall together and he would carry her books and then maybe they could go to a basketball game together and sneak a little hand hold (shocking). Finally Valentine's Day arrived. Little Nellie came to school that fateful day floating on a cloud. With all her heart she hoped that this would be the day that all her wildest dreams would come true. Homeroom came and went and Little Nellie's anticipation grew. You see the seniors had a fund raiser and they sold carnations and chocolate hearts and first hour was to be the time of delivery. All through the first ten minutes Little Nellie waited with baited breath. Then finally there was knock on the door and the seniors started pouring in carrying loads of flowers and chocolate. One by one the gifts were handed out until all had received at least one of the bounty, all that is except one. Little Nellie sat staring quietly at her hands willing herself not to cry. The seniors were leaving with all their treasures gone to their owners, when suddenly a hand thrust something onto Little Nellie's desk! Cupid's messenger was a rough male who growled "Here!", but to Little Nellie he was an angel of mercy! Little Nellie could not have been more blissfully happy! She had received a chocolate heart! But from whom? In her excitement Little Nellie had forgotten to read the accompanying card. To: Nellie, From: Anonymous. "Anonymous? Who one earth could that be??" Little Nellie thought to herself. Eventually Little Nellie gave up trying to figure out who "Anonymous" had been and was just happy that for the first time in her life she actually had a Valentine, sort of. The rest of the day Little Nellie was walking air! Little Nellie continued in her happy state until that fateful 8th hour Home Ec class. After telling her tale of joy to her dear friend Olivia, her world was crushed. Nellie had been expecting a response of glee, but the one she received reeling. Olivia explained to her dear friend that her brother had been at a certain boy in her class house and that boy had told Olivia's brother of a dastardly Valentine's Day plot that he had cooked up. He was going to send the dorkiest girl in his class an anoymous Valentine's Day gift for laughs and giggles as he watched her eyes light up and a smile spread across her face, because he would know that she would think that she was loved and he knew she wasn't. At that moment, Little Nellie wanted nothing more than to crawl in a little hole and stay there for the rest of her life. "How could someone be so cruel?" she asked herself over and over again. From that day forth Little Nellie promised herself that she would never again celebrate Valentine's Day. She lost her faith in mankind that day and it will take serious work before Little Nellie will trust a man again.
The moral of the story is Valentine's Day is depressing, celebrate St. Patrick's Day instead! Seriously, the worst thing that could happen to you is that you'll forget to wear green and get pinched! You'll never get your heart broken and smashed to bits on Patty's Day! Come on leprechaun are much more fun than cupids! Do cupids have pots of gold? NO! You get shot with arrows and that's painful!
Disclaimer: Any similarities to real people or past events is purely coincidental.
posted by Einfach Warten at 3:27 PM
5 Comments:
I think that story does the job nicely. And I agree that we should all celebrate St. Pat's day. After all, that IS my Mom's b-day. However, oh lighthearted one,you forgot that today, you received 5 valentines rather than a measly 1 like most poor folks do.
PS. Why, if you dislike this day, did you call it blessed in your title?
I was being facetious about the "Blessed". And you are right I did. I didn't want mobs of jealous girls breaking down my door!! :)
Boys are icky stupid heads and this one in particular should be shot!!!!!
By Cupid's arrows or a gun?
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