Dreading the Coming of the Knowledge That I am Anticipating

As I sit here anxiously awaiting the phone call that will change my life, I don't want it to come. I want to sit here in comfortable little world where everything is familiar everything is roses and happiness. I want it to come because I want to know I need to know. I can't concentrate on anything I can't smile, I can't laugh. I pretend, but I fool no one, not even myself. I want to know but I don't know that I can stand to know. This is driving me crazy! Things like these should be done like pulling off a bandaid on a really hairy section of the body. I think perhaps I am going to cry.