Thank You Nelly and Fergie

As test scores plummet and America's youth become less inclined to study, it is nice to know that someone is putting their popularity to good use. My thanks go out to Nelly and Fergie on behalf of American citizens who actually care about the decline of decent vocabularies of our teenagers and college students. Through the influence of certain modern musical genres youngsters have taken up words like "fo shizzle" and their life dream is to become a "gansta" or a "ho" depending on gender. As a result education is pushed down further on the list of important tasks. I commend the efforts of Nelly and Fergie to try to help the youth of America regain their desire to learn. In two popular songs, Nelly and Fergie have used a word longer than 5 letters, "promiscuous". No doubt Nelly and Fergie left many youngsters scratching their heads, wondering what on earth that horrifyingly long word could ever mean. So thank you Nelly and Fergie for attempting to add a little education and, dare I say, culture, to your music. They could have easily said "I am a slut"/"I'm not a whore" or "I sleep around"/"I don't have an easy virtue". Instead, they thought of our nation's SAT scores and the growing mockery that the United States is gaining in international circles. Soon travel agencies in France will be bearing posters that say "Come to America the land of the fat savages!" "For only $400 take a historical tour of one of the world's former powers!" "Live among the natives for two weeks and learn about the downfall of an advanced society!"

Before I end, I would like to make a request: Ladies, now that you've shown you have a vocabulary that isn't limited to dirty 4-letter words, please o, please work on your grammar. And if it isn't too much trouble please be good role models to our young girls who desire nothing more than to be just like you.

Gazebo

Sitting alone
Lost in thought
Lightening crackles
Across threatening sky
Forlorn little girl
Mood as the changing scene
Thunder roars
As if matching the cry
Of her breaking heart
Wind beats on unprotected sides
In the Gazebo where she sits
Far away from the world
The roof above her only protection
Her wordless sigh
Looking up at the tormented sky
Foolish little girl
Searching for love
Losing herself along the way
Rain pouring in
Cold encircling exposed skin
Numb
She feels nothing
But the hurt within
She hears nothing
But the wind
Echoing the screams of her heart
Forlorn little girl
Far away from the world
Aloof in her Gazebo
Trying to block the many thoughts
Of him

I'm about to eat me some people

I am very angry right now. I have just spent the last 45 minutes on the phone with the tech support of a website I need to be able to view for one of my history classes. For two weeks I have been exchanging e-mails with the tech support team with them not fixing my problem and them treating me like I have the intelligence level of a third grader. I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am not stupid and that I do know how to spell my own login name and password. If the tech support would actually listen to what I said in the first place, I think this issue would have been resolved by now, but noooo they had to be all superior and tell what was happening wasn't possible. After spending 45 minutes on the phone, guess what IT STILL DOESN'T WORK!!! The lady finally got it through her thick head that hey, this girl knows how to spell and is typing in her password correctly and we still can't get the system to work. So my problem apparently has been sent to the higher ups to see what is going on. I have never been so close to yelling at someone in my life, even at work when a costumer was being a real pain in the neck I never had to bit my lip in order to say things I would regret. But oh golly this lady tried my patience more than anything! After I hung up the phone I started yelling and burst into tears. All I want is to be able to read my documents and be prepared for the quizzes we have to take like every week over them!!! That's all! I'm not asking for the moon or to ride a camel. I just want to do my homework.

It's Like Living in a Snow Globe!

I awoke this morning at 6:30 for my 7:50 class. The first thing I did was run over to my window, look out to a great white swirling world, say "no freaking way", and promptly return to my nice warm bed. My class is allllllll the way across campus and you couldn't have paid me $50 to walk that far this morning , especially since that class was American Civilization with Burden (shoot me). Luckily for me my roomie's boyfriend called at around 7:15 to tell us that our college had officially canceled classes for today. :) For the next half hour my roomies, Cheksie and Emily, were so excited that they called everyone and their great-uncle Tom to tell them the wonderful news. All the while I am laying in my bed wishing for a pair of earplugs or a gun. Anyways I didn't get up until after 11 and it was glorious. I started reading the Odyssey, watched part of the Sound of Music, wrote a little poetry, and just lounged in general. However, today for the first time I was actually homesick (which is rather amusing as I was home for the weekend). I guess there is something about a snow day that makes you feel like you are back in high school. I just wanted to be lounging on my couch at home or hanging out with my home friends. I really am beginning to hate being here so far away from everyone. People here are boring. I'm annoyed because my only class for tomorrow is canceled as well and I could have been home an extra two days. Alas, I suppose that is how the cookie crumbles. I'm going to stop rambling and go do something productive...like play Mario Cart...

Tis the Season to be Dreary

Well St. Valentine's Day is almost upon us again...blah. This year I can't make up my mind whether I should wear black or red. If I wear black it will show the world I am single and depressed but if I wear red, I'll be saying I'm single and optimistic. Right now I can't decide which would be more fun. Since I'm thinking of fun I guess that means I'm feeling optimistic or at least that I'm not depressed. But since this wardrobe choice is becoming a very difficult decision that means that I am borderline depressed because if I were optimistic I would definitely choose red without knowing that I had a choice to chose black. I hope that made sense to you because I just read it over again and I have no clue what the heck I was talking about. I didn't used to mind this time of year so much. Of course I would give the normal "single woman gripes and groans" but this year I would really like to know what it is like to have a someone, a "Valentine" on Valentine's Day. Ladies if I get a dozen comments on this thing filled with "awww, don't feel bad sweetie your Prince will come soon"'s I might have to hurt someone. I don't want sympathy, I'm just sending out a random question into the void. On a side note: the candy hearts that say things like "Be Mine" and "Kiss Me" I hate those things. I can't believe people actually eat them they are disgusting! Oh and contrary to many commercials I've seen during this joyous season, diamond heart pendants and shinny red heart boxers just aren't cool Valentine's Day gifts. They scream tacky. And big stuffed pink teddy bears, please give me a break. I still fail to understand why it is considered to be a good idea to give a girl above the age of 11 a teddy bear. Guys, would you give your 24 year old girlfriend a teddy bear for her birthday? No, of course not! Then why is it acceptable to give her one on Valentine's Day? Flowers are a good idea. Chocolate...eh only if you have something to go with it like flowers. Diamond rings and bracelets...perfection but only if you flowers to go with them. In celebration of this joyous event I plan to make red potatoes (actually they will probably turn out pink but whatever close enough. At least I'm trying to be a merry romantic). Happy (almost) Valentine's Day one and all!

The Adventures of Cheksie and Alikson

Every Tuesday and Thursday Cheksie and I journey to the land of Nigeria in order to learn American Public Policy. Our professor is Nigerian and hilarious. Every day is a struggle to wade through his thick Nigerian accent and understand the subject matter which seems to be presented in an entirely random way. Eventhough at the end of each day we leave with bewildered looks on our faces and headaches, we really love the class because you never know what will come out of Kunle's mouth next. Please read the quotes below in a Nigerian accent...it will make it much more fun! ;)

The Class Roster in Kunle's Mind:
Chelsie: Cheksie or Cheks
Allison: Alixson
Mindy: Mandy or Communications girl
Brooke: Broke
Aaron: 1st Aaron
Aaron: Other Aaron
Everyone else has Nigerian-proof names

When Normal Subjects Turn Nigerian:
"Federalism is like a beautiful bride...and a very horribly ugly groom."

After Cheksie spilled coffee all over her shirt: "I do not like coffee. As we say in Nigeria, there is an evil spirit in me that causes me not to like it so it probably went in you. So just say 'the devil in Kunle causing this problem in me just get out!'"

"And by God's grace we are able to go to da restroom. Let me give you an example. There was a woman who could not go to the restroom, so she pray and pray to God to be able to go to the restroom. Finally she was able to go and so she pray to God to be able to get it all out."

"I do not know why you are in this class. Maybe it is because you really want to learn about Public Policy or maybe it is because you think Kunle looks like a little boy and you like to look at him and you wonder why he is the professor and you are the student. Maybe it is because you like the way the room is set up and you feel at home. Or maybe the carpet makes you feel happy inside."

Where Did This Come From????
"Silly Americans sometimes ask me 'Kunle were you attacked by a tiger?' and I tell them 'yes and I kill the tiger. I am very bold man.'"

"I come all the way from Africa with an empty brain."

"Don't worry I just have to remove my front teeth."

"My wife taught me the English term 'chicken' last night. Like the chicken cross the road."

"My wife and went on a trip and I didn't know about toll roads and she didn't tell me. So we get on one and have no change and so we have to turn around."

Your Slanguage Profile

British Slang: 75% Prison Slang: 50% Aussie Slang: 25% Victorian Slang: 25% Canadian Slang: 0% New England Slang: 0%

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