Concentration

Concentration...Do I even know what that is anymore?? I have a huge test this week, two next week, and a paper due next week. And what am I doing? Bouncing up and down giggling to myself. I think that I must be the most pathetic person on the face of this earth! Probably really scary too, now that I think about it. I have too much restless energy. I think I'll turn on some really fun music and dance around my tiny messy room for a little while to wind myself down. And by the word "dance" I mean jump up and down and pretend that I'm incredibly graceful. I am so pathetic! But in my patheticness I remain contented and happy because I know that my patheticness is part of what makes me who I am and I'm so glad for that!! Oh dear! Now I'm giggling uncontrollably! It only goes down hill from here folks! Stay tuned!

I want to punch something!!!!!!!!

I Need A Hug!!!

I think that I'm going to cry. I really don't know why exactly because I have had a really wonderful day. I just finished a quite time of introspection, maybe that's why. Introspections usually make me want to cry afterwards because I'm so far from where I need to be as a Christian. I know that I'll never be perfect, but can't I be almost perfect? I feel so stupid. I should be farther along as a Christian than I am. I shouldn't struggle with stupid little sins the way I do. I should be able to defend my faith alot better than I can. I should be alot more than I am, but I'm not. Someone give me a hug and tell me it will be alright. Tell me not to worry because I will make it. Tell I will be the kind of Christian God wants me to be because He gives me the strength to do it and eventually He will help me to be who I need to be...I really need a hug!

The Attack of College ADD

You know I have never had trouble concentrating before in my entire life. I was always able to sit down and do what I needed to do with no problems. Now I'm in college and my school work is a little more important than it was in high school and guess what! I can't concentrate! I'm always on the internet checking my e-mail or just playing around on e-bay or something else incredibly dumb and pointless! All I want to do is hang out with my roomie and my across-the-hall buddy and do stupid stuff like watching Shreck 2 at 12:00 am when I should be either sleeping or studying for my 7:50 am test! Ah, college!! Strange as it may sound, for as much goofing off as I do, I am one of the biggest studiers on my floor. Do you know what I should be doing right now instead of telling you my problem of not doing what I should be doing? I should be studying for a test I have tomorrow, a quiz I have tomorrow, or reading Merchant of Venice so that I can do well on a pop quiz that I will most likely have tomorrow. I love college...

As I Eat My Cinnamon raisin Bagel...

I have always wondered where the view that God is someone like the god in Bruce Almighty, came from. I myself believe that God has a sense of humor because man was created in His image and man certainly has a sense of humor. Have you ever really looked at an ostrich? If that doesn't make you laugh, well, I have pity on your soul. I see God's sense of humor shining through His ingenious creations, as well as in the way certain things in my life have worked out. When I look back at them I laugh and I'm quite positive that God is laughing too because I was so stupid. However, even though I am quite sure that God has a sense of humor I absolutely hate to see Him portrayed as some kind of nutty "king" who has a corny stand up comedy routine. I don't believe that skits that portray Him as such give Him the dignity and honor He deserves. God is so powerful, so awesome, and so merciful that it completely blows my mind to think of Him. I can't understand why He would choose to save me. I can't understand how people could see Him cracking jokes like a court jester. I just don't get it.

Wishing

I have this terrible habit of turning random songs into memories, memories that hurt so bad that I sometimes can't breathe. Why does that one song always bring tears to my eyes? I wish things could have been different. I wish that I had more courage, then maybe my life wouldn't be like it is. I wish that I could have made different choices that would have formed me into a totally different person. My random thoughts probably don't look very good on paper, but they soothe my soul in a way that talking never could. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment, but I seem to enjoy dredging up old memories that keep me continuously tied to heart ache. I know that I can't change the past, but I don't have to let it control my future. Most of the time I am actually fairly happy with who I have become, it is just those times when I allow myself to think on the life that could have been. I know that as much as I want to be different, I would never be happy living a life that wasn't who I am. The choices I made shaped my character for better or worse depending on the way I allowed them to shape me. I'm tired of always second guessing myself. I'm tired of being so scatter brained and unable to concentrate on my work. I'm tired of lying in my bed for hours on end with the same thoughts running through my head over and over and over again. I'm tired of being so worried that I constantly feel like throwing up. I'm just tired.....


Did that make any sense whatsoever? Well, it almost made sense to me so I guess that is good enough.

Broken

Are you there? Why can't I hear you? What am I supposed to do? Why can't You tell me what to do and I'll do it gladly! Am I to go to the right or to the left? Can you even hear me anymore? Oh God! I don't know what I'm supposed to do! Show me your way because I know it is the best way! I feel so lost. I know that in those times that try the soul, You are there and you will carry me through. Help me to see that you have something better in store for me. I love you. You will carry me...

The Question

I feel that I owe my adoring public at least a hint to what my blog is all about as my mysterious question seems to have aroused some fear and mistrust. Unfortunately I still do not have all the details worked out in my head. All that to say you will have to put up with my random thoughts until the time arrives where I will be able to answer the question. So enjoy the suspense and I promise to inform you the moment the answer comes to me.

Semplicemente L'attesa o Spinge Innanzi

Semplicemente l'attesa o spinge innanzi? This question is what my blog is here to decide.